The Christian Life

I've been thinking about a lot of different things lately, so, once I again I apologize if this post is hard to read, since it's just a rambling....

Every week after church my family goes witnessing to a neighborhood just down the street. We knock on doors, tell people about Jesus and invite them to church. We also invite any youth we see to come to youthgroup with us. Last night we actually had two girls come with us. They were kinda shy, but when I went to talk to them they really seemed to open up. I was fascinated by them because, they kinda talked and acted rough, but underneath that, they seemed really sweet and for lack of a better word: human. There was something else about them that I was picking up on, but I couldn't figure out what it was. I decided to sit with them during the lesson, but just as it was starting they informed me that they needed to go home because their mom was worried. I felt like there was something behind what they were saying, but we took them home. The conversation in the conversation kind of went towards religion and I asked the girls what religion they were, one claimed she was catholic the other claimed she was a spiritualist.After dropping them off and returning to youthgroup, I couldn't stop thinking about those girls. When I came home, I suddenly realized what had hit me so hard.It was their absolute and utter lostness. I've gotten used to some of my friends who at least act Christians, but these girls just didn't. It strengthened my resolve to be a missionary "when I grow up"

Romans 10:13-14 "Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them?" I guess you could call this my life verse, spreading the gospel until as Casting Crowns would say "The whole world hears!"

The problem is figuring out how to do that. I certainly don't want to offend people by bashing them in the head with the bible all the time. Another interesting dilemma is being a Christian without saying a word. I have some friends who just exude the presence of God, no matter what we're talking about, I can just tell that they're saved. I think that kind of... aura comes from being in constant contact with the Lover of our souls.

Who I am and who I strive to be, an obvious Christian, who will "sing until the whole world hears."

Forever Love

"I love you"
"I love you too, I'll love you forever."
"I hate you, I'm leaving."
"But... I thought you said you would love me forever. What happened to forever?"
It seems that in this world especially with kids my age we hear a lot about forever. Forever love is term used a lot, but it really doesn't seem to mean anything. Looking around, it seems we are forced to wonder if forever love actually exists. I'd like to propose that forever love actually does exists, it just exists in a different way than the world would like to think of it. When we define forever and love we discover a beautiful picture of forever love.

Let's first define forever. Dictionary.com defines forever as "without ever ending; eternally." This is a problem with forever love. I've hard so many couples say they'll love each other "forever" but, six months later they've moved on to another person they'll love "forever." Forever didn't last very long. There seems to be a growing trend of divorce. Married couples promise that they'll stay with eachother "forever," but even as they're saying those words, they've got the door of divorce open in the distance. Forever seems to have lost it's meaning.

Now let's look at the definition of love. I looked it up on dictionary.com but I wasn't happy with any of the definitions. It kept defining love as a feeling, but love is not a mere feeling. Love is an action verb, a purpose and a promise. Love is a verb because you decide to look after someone and work with them. It's a purpose and promise, you decide you're going to stick with the person through thick and thin, for better or for worse. You're going to look past their issues and love them no matter what. Love is not a feeling. Feelings can be brushed aside, love is a promise and you don't break promises. Promises are supposed to be kept "without ever ending; eternally"

So we've looked at what forever really means and we've also looked at what love really means. When we examine forever love through this kinda of lens, it appears that forever love doesn't exist. That it's just a fairy tale, or that as teenagers we can't experience forever love. I believe that forever love does exist, because God's love is indeed, forever. God fits the definition of forever love and so much more than that. 1.Corinthians 13:4-7 "Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance." That absolutely fits forever love and so much better than we humans ever will. I love his promise in Hebrews 13:5 "…for He Himself has said, "I will never desert you, nor will I ever forsake you."

At the end of the day, Forever love exists beautifully in God, He promises to look after us and stick with us through the thick and the thin without end.I believe in forever love, but, I believe in God's defintion, not the "Forever love" of 6 months.

Stereotypical

A bunch of teenagers meeting for the first time. Everyone expected to meet new kinds of people, the funny thing was, everyone had certain ideas about the kind of people they were going to meet...

Let's go back in time to a coupla months ago and reminisce about... the first day of tour :D It was interesting how fast people... "judged" is the wrong word. The word is really stereotyped. We all thought the girl from Alaska was used to cold all the time, we thought the people from Hawaii were probably surfers. Um... a lot of the guys had long hair, but only one of them was a skater. I don't think any of the tall kids actually played basketball. Hey, we even had a white kid who thought he was an "American Gangsta"

I remember being struck by how quickly everyone stereotyped everyone. I also remember being surprised at how quickly I stereotyped people. I think about how I wear a lot of black occasionally wearing all black. It's funny how people have commented on the fact that I wear a lot of it, but no one has every seriously called me emo. My one friend was like, "i wanted to wear black, but I didn't want people making comments." I laughed and said she could have joined me in debunking stereotypes.

so what's my point? It's easy to stereotype people, but, God made everyone unique, you can't cram people into a mold. Because seriously, if everyone was "stereotypical" the world would be boring.

Where/How I am, right now= P-R-I-D-E

Momma's Girl, Goody two-shoes, Daddy's girl, on fire Christian, sweet... The list goes on and on, I tend to have a reputation as a "good girl" I mean, after all, I don't swear, I (usually) get along with my family and I have a ton of friends. I'm happy almost all the time....

Along with all these things, I'm a good actress. It's especially easy to act when I'm on the phone. I had this one conversation, where I was fuming mad, and the people on the other end of the phone couldn't believe how calm I was being. The thing about me is when I'm upset, I tend to pretend I'm not. I have this problem called pride, and if there's something pride does is it makes you always want to look like you have everything together. This creates something I might call "mask syndrome." When I'm upset, I tend to act overly happy and excited, trying to push my emotions deep inside of me pretending, I have everything under control and everything's okay. As a general rule, I don't cry in front of people other than my family. If I'm really overwhelmed, or in the presence of God, I might, but my stupid pride usually dictates silence. Hence the overly excited, "happy" plastic me. The problem with this is that I get so good at pretending that I fool myself. I was talking to my mom today, and the mask just suddenly came off.

We were talking about how I've been kind of argumentative lately, and she suggested that maybe I was stressed out. I said, "you know that is all together possible." She said, "You know it's gonna get crazier in college." Then pride reared it's ugly head. Another thing pride does, is it makes it hard to take confrontation. (more on that and myself in a bit) I shrugged and told her, "I'm surviving." She said, "No you're not, just getting through is not surviving." In a way, she has a point, I was talking to my friend and I said, "when you're busy you can get into a comatose sort of state." In other words you're so busy being busy that you don't have time for anything else. I'm kind of tired of the question, "How are you?" because I never know how to answer it, I honestly haven't really sat down and asked myself how I'm doing. I tell myself I don't have time, or that it doesn't really matter, and I'm confused. So often I find myself answering this question with, "I'm alive." This is so true, I'm finding that I'm not thriving; I'm only surviving going through life, only paying a little bit of attention to what's going on inside me.

If I were to be gut level honest with myself, (which I almost hate doing, because it's admitting that I have problems) I have to admit that I'm still struggling with reading my bible. But at the same time, I'm desperate for God, I think my soul knows I need Him, but my head tells me I'm so busy doing His will that I don't have time for him. I still love going to church, youth group and bible study and I throw myself into worship. Interestingly enough, my prayer life has gotten stronger...ish. Unfortunately, I'm throwing God in when I have time for Him, or worse, when it's "convenient." It's kind of like Paul talks about fighting against himself. My soul is desperate, screaming for God, it knows I can't make it without Him, but my foolish, sinful, prideful self keeps telling to keep fighting, and push God out of the way. I'm an independent person, and extremely strong willed. Once I set my mind to do something, it takes a lot to stop me. Because of this, anything in the physical world that I decide I'm going to do gets done. The problem is, because I'm so confident and so darn stinkin' prideful. I tend to take the reigns out of God's hands and tell Him, I've got it from here. But, again, if I were to be down to earth honest, I don't. I think I've been focusing on my problems, my pride, my stress and my strength too long.

Oh My God, is awesome! :) I love how He gets my attention. This would explain why after Bible Study, Church or youthgroup, I feel so much better, because I've, no, I'm sorry, there I go again GOD sets my priorities straight. He says "hold on, you've got it wrong, you're not the answer to your problems, I am." The funny thing is, I actually wrote about this in part of an essay for essay class and I still missed it. (Us stubborn folk can be so hardheaded sometimes) It's been a long process. But God has been faithful, He's been so awesome in allowing me to take my babysteps towards Him. He's used my friends, my parents, my own love for writing to draw me closer to Him. *Happy sigh* Even this post is miraculous, I didn't want to write it, I was subconsciously, fighting with God, arguing with Him. I was talking to my friend and I told him I'd given up on writing this post, my pride was jumping up again and I didn't want to be convicted. Then, (you've gotta love honest friends) my friend said, "Conviction is a good thing." I hated what he said, but I knew he was right. So, gritting my teeth, I set about writing this post, and God totally showed up. I've been playing Christian, I've been playing at being a momma's girl, a sweet girl, a good twoshoes, a daddy's girl. I haven't been honest. At least not most of the time. I'm such an actress, but it doesn't work, it's not real.

Daddy,
It's me again. I've fallen on my face, trying to be my own savior. I can't do it by myself, I don't know how. I only think I can, please, help me Jesus! I don't know what I'm doing, no matter how much I think I do. Thank you for being so patient with me, thank you for putting the right people in my life at the right time. Thank you for caring about me. Please help me to submit fully to you.
Love,
Your Daughter.

I love my job!

Yes, I did just say that, no, I'm not insane. I was at work on Friday and it suddenly hit me, I love my job. It's not because I love fast food. I don't. Honestly, when I was looking for a job I absolutely did not want to work fast food. But, when I applied, got the interview and was hired within 3 days, I had a feeling that God might have been involved. I never hated my job, but was never like, Woohoo I love my job! It wasn't until Friday that I realized I do indeed love my job. It's not because of what I do, necessarily (though I have learned that drive through during rush hour is *really* fun) it's the knowledge that I'm *exactly* where God wants me that makes me happy. Furthemore, I got more hours and more hours means more money. :D I'll say it again: I love my job! :D

Twisted Thoughts

Bible Reading, Discussion, relationships, hospitals. I've been thinking about a lot of things....

I was talking to my friend earlier today and we had some fun chit chat, and then he asked me the million dollar question. "How's your walk with Jesus." I hesitated for a minute. I have no problem saying I have a good relationship with God, but I willingly admit I'm having a hard time digging into the word and praying. I love how God gets my attention no matter where I'm at. My friend said, "why don't we get off of facebook and read the bible for a while." I agreed and just drank everything in, then we had a discussion, and if you know me, you know I love:

Discussion. My friend has a saying, "Talk comes cheap these days, and I'd pay anything to hear something worthwhile." I've been thinking that a lot lately. In an instant world we have facebok, im, email and text. We can pick up the phone and say everything in .2 seconds. With everything being so instantaneous, we don't take time to listen, to explore, to dig deep and to think. We focus on the surface and never dig below the surface to where the real growing happens. I love going to Bible Study, because the pastor isn't afraid to encourage discussion.

I'be also been thinking about relationships, people are different and complicated. Humans are the most complicated things on the face of the earth. God has created each of us differently. I think it's interesting how you can know someone for two days and know absolutely everything about them, and at the same time know someone for years and not *really* know them.

My family went to a hospital open house and I was fascinated with all the different areas there in the hospital. Radiology, Ultrasound, Nuclear Medicine, Labor and Delivery, You've got CT Scans, and MRIs and Surgery and pediatricians and the list goes on. The more I heard about everything in the hospital, the more I was amazed by God. I told my mom it's true! "The fool says in his heart, there is no God." God is everywhere, if you're open and looking for Him, he *always* shows up. I don't know how many times God has gotten my attention and stopped me dead in my tracks when I was running from Him and didn't even know it.

Broken Record??????

Okay, so I've said this probably a hundred thousand times, but God is awesome. I've probably also said that I'm tired a LOT of the time, I'm busy and worn out and stressed. The cool thing is, God is faithful, when I give things to Him, He helps sooo much.
I'm sure I've analyzed this song a thousand times, but God just shows me something new every time.

Take me In-Kutless
Take me past the outer courts
Into the Holy Place
Past the brazen altar
Lord I want to see your face
Pass me by the crowds of people
And the Priests who sing your praise
I hunger and thirst for your righteousness
But it's only found in one place

Take me into the holy of holies
Take me in by the blood of the lamb
Take me into the holy of holies
Take the coal, touch my lips, here I am

That's all it is, over and over and over again, but it has so much meaning. It's asking God to take you away from distractions, into this holy, quiet place. The Holy place refers to the Holy of Holies. In the old testament, in the tabernacle, there was the Holy and then the Holy of Holies, only a priest was allowed into the Holy of Holies and even then only once a year. The Holy of Holies was where God was. There is no Holy of Holies now, or at least, not literally, but God still wants to meet with us. It's still a prayer, a cry, God, take me away from distractions away from confusion, away from things that would tear me down. Let me just sit and talk to you.